My Dear Old Mam

There is a two-fold thing happening in my life right now.  I’m taking photographs of my mam. Forever photos.  She’s 88 on Monday.  How much longer will she live?  Who knows.  Life is strange like that.  We can’t predict what is going to happen.  Or how long we  will live.  There is a sense of urgency to it too.  A kind of capturing memories for when the inevitable happens.  A last chance to make someone last forever.  When she goes I will lose a connection, a connection to a past that I came from.  That is a scary concept.  To have one parent is hard, but to have none.  Well it doesn’t bear thinking about.  Who will I ask about the past, who will tell me the tales that she keeps hidden.  So now I take photographs.  Of a life once lived.  A life that once danced and laughed.  A life that once experienced but now sits and waits.

Mam

And the two-fold thing…….  Well I’ve been researching the family tree for my mam.  On the maternal side.  Trying to find out, for my mam, where her grandmother and grandfather came from.  And I’ve succeeded.  I’ve got answers for her.  Surprising answers too.  My mam never knew her grandparents on her mothers side.  I sense, a tale, of sadness, of rejection somewhere there.   My mam is very protective of her mother, was very protective.  Still is, of her memory.  I sense a story there.  A sad story, one which I will gently capture.  Things start to make sense.   Things from my childhood make sense.  Injustices, betrayals, rejection.  Answers, answers, answers, please.  But they will come.  Slowly, and gently.

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